Final Rating: 3.5/5
While it is perfectly possible to live a fulfilling and vibrant life without finding a life partner, for those who are lucky enough to find that special someone it is an experience like no other. My own meet-cute with my wife involves MTV’s America’s Best Dance Crew, the comments section of a blog, and navigating trans pacific time zones during a long distance relationship. Being Filipino-American while she was born and raised in the Philippines, we definitely have some alignment on a similar cultural background, but there is also certainly a bit of a difference at times. At times it’s frustrating, but ultimately I feel like those differences, as much as our similarities, help me grow to be a better individual as well as a better partner.
While perhaps not as culturally aligned as myself and my wife, the couples featured in the documentary First Comes Love: Nakabingwit, directed by Joella Cabalu, face a similar challenge, if on a more obvious dimension. Focusing on three Caucasian/Filipino couples (with supplementary interviews of other mixed race couples), the film explores the dynamics inherent in such a relationship, particularly in a time when racial identity politics are more front and center than ever.
There are a number of ways that a documentary like this could be done poorly. Presentation wise, having reality tv style testimonials or staged conversations would take away from the impact of these discussions, on top of being rather dull to sit through (even if it is a brisk 65 minutes).
On the other hand, being too overly dramatic with recreations of the meet-cutes and then the conflicts would feel tacky and cheap. Cabalu does a good job of threading this line; while couch testimonials do exist, there are also recreations. However, rather than portraying them straight, she then cleverly shows the recreated scenes to the couples on the couch as a jumping off point for them to discuss how they see the conflict from the outside, especially when it is one that they might have had themselves in the past. I think this is a particularly clever way to have the benefits of both options while mitigating the downsides.
One other potential failure point is the temptation to one dimensionally portray the Filipina women as paragons of virtue and burdened with their well meaning yet ignorant partners who are a burden at best and toxic at worst. While certainly the reality of the situation is that their Caucasian partners probably never had to directly wrangle with the legacy of white supremacy and racism themselves, the documentary doesn’t let them off the hook for ignorance while also providing them grace for growth.
In one scene where the couples react to a white partner not fully comprehending the anxiety faced by their Asian partner over the anti-Asian violence in the wake of COVID, its pointed out that while their well meaning yet off the mark comments that subtly dismisses their partner’s fears (“we live in a progressive neighborhood, so you don’t need to worry”) are off the mark.
They do get credit for trying to fulfill their role as a partner to provide comfort; it’s also pointed out how it’s not super fair for them that the first thing they’re faced with upon returning home from work, that their partner projects their frustrations with white supremacy upon them. There is also one Filipina partner in the film who is shown to initially be pro-Duterte and his extrajudicial killings in the supposed war on drugs before their partner educates them on the reality she hadn’t faced.
If there is a bit of a critique, while certainly the film does touch on a lot of issues with regard to mixed-race couple dynamics, I wouldn’t say that they go particularly deep into any of them – I’m not even sure we truly get a resolution on a couple of the issues, just that they are an ongoing conversation.
Also, while I appreciate their inclusion of a queer couple amongst the featured couples, I do wish they had been able to find a heterosexual Filipino male/caucasian female – the dynamics there would be pretty distinct from the Caucasian male/Filipina female dynamic, especially with regard to the idea of “nakabingwit” – the colloquial idea that you’ve “won” by getting a white partner.
That all being said, at the end of the day, what this documentary does well is provide a universal insight on how to communicate and navigate relationships through the specific example and lens of this multiracial relationship. Yes, the specific issues these couples face are not ones that every couple face, and are intertwined with larger issues of race in our society today. But the way in which they communicate and work through these differences – acknowledging when their knowledge falls short, being patient in dealing with differences in values, and being humble enough to admit when one was wrong or lacking. This can serve as a template for any couple to effectively deal with their partner and come out stronger together.
Being able to arrive at that universal truth though this very specific situation is why diverse cinema like this is important, and for that I can’t appreciate this film enough. Now excuse me while I go tell my wife how much I love everything about her.
First Comes Love: Nakabingwit was seen during the 2026 Vancouver International Film Festival. Thank you to the NFB for the screener.
