Final Rating: 4.5/5
Depression is often shown many different ways on film. Sometimes it is over the top and melodramatic, to really reinforce what a character is going through. Other times it will be more subtle like a character’s loss of appetite, pushing away loved ones and losing interest in passions. In Sometimes I Think About Dying, we get a much subtler interpretation of depression. Daisy Ridley plays Fran, an office worker already in a rut. She only wears brown clothing, works in a brown office and lives in a brown home. There is no colour to brighten her day. Her favourite food is cottage cheese, her only hobby is playing sudoku and she is so disconnected from her co-workers that when one retires she can’t think of anything to write in her going away card. Oh and she often has vivid daydreams about being dead.
Director Rachel Lambert adapts a short film from previous director Stefanie Abel Horowitz about a young woman who has lost interest in everything so badly that her only excitement comes from thinking about no longer being alive. Horowitz and original actors Kevin Armento and Katy Wright-Mead all co-wrote the screenplay for Lambert.
Fran doesn’t imagine killing herself, but instead much like how she has removed fun and excitement from her life, she has removed the concept of her living. She daydreams about seeing her body, now lifeless. Sometimes it is after a car accident surrounded by glass window shards, or laying in the forest with bugs crawling all over her. We barely hear Fran speak until a good chunk of the movie has passed.
After her co-worker retires, Robert, played by Dave Merheje, is hired to fill the vacant job. He’s a little socially awkward, but everyone is drawn to him. In an office meet and greet he is the first person we see wearing any colour other than dull earth tones and it sticks out to the point that a fellow colleague points out that he is wearing green. Her direct bluntness towards Robert makes him laugh, and that in turn piques her spirits up. This is the first jolt to Fran’s life in quite a while.
After Robert asks Fran out on a movie date, his passion, things start turning around for Fran for the most part. She still can’t get out of her own way enough to appreciate a budding romance as she shuts down anytime Robert asks her a personal question assuming that he is being too invasive. She can’t see a life raft being thrown her way in the form of someone who genuinely wants to be around her.
Ridley, who has kept a relatively low profile since ending her stint in the Star Wars franchise and only appeared in two other movies since this one, absolutely shines. Her melancholic quietness with an inner light being purposely hidden is impossible to ignore. She lies to herself about being disinterested in everything, but the moment Fran gets a compliment from Robert, you feel her bursting on the inside with radiance. This is the best performance Ridley has given in her career so far.
Rachel Lambert is able to make the drab world Fran lives in not boring at all and when she goes into her daydreams, there is a haunting beauty to the imagery. The film is quirky in a way that isn’t too twee and Fran’s depression doesn’t render the film as a slog as the pacing is perfectly timed. It ends with two incredibly touching scenes that will make your heart feel a wide array of emotions that will leave a lasting impression on viewers. This is one of those small films that will leave a big impression on viewers and stick in their minds the rest of the year.
Sometimes I Think About Dying was seen during the 2023 Fantasia Festival. Thank you to Route 504 and Oscilloscope Productions for the screener.
