Final Rating: 4/5
In our current political climate, a documentary focused on a lifelong politician might have the expectation of being divisive. Fortunately, Alix Blair’s Helen and the Bear eschews politics (for the most part) and focuses on the intense, intimate relationship between former Republican Representative Pete McCloskey and his second wife Helen, the director’s uncle and aunt.
Pete and Helen have been together for nearly four decades. Their relationship began shortly before Pete’s tenure in the House of Representatives ended in 1983. But he never stopped being a politician. It was that obsession that negatively impacted his first marriage and family. It’s a tale as old as time: the patriarch of the family spends so much time on his occupation that he doesn’t have enough time for his wife and kids.
In Helen, Pete found an adversarial force. At twenty-six years his junior, she’s a feisty, independent woman with many passions of her own. From the opening moments of the documentary, it’s clear how committed the two of them are to each other. But as the layers peel back, the rocky road of their relationship is laid bare.
Alix Blair swiftly recognizes that the documentary’s true focus should be Helen. The film is interspersed with text from Helen’s journals, chronicling her inner thoughts from age 22 onwards. Helen tells us in the present that she self-identified as a boy at a young age, but was forced to hide things she liked to do because her father was a public figure. Having freedom has been a concern throughout her life. And for Helen, achieving freedom requires understanding herself. “To have a good relationship with anything, you have to have a lot of self-honesty and be willing to introspect and question yourself,” she tells her niece.
Helen’s path of self-discovery and freedom causes friction in her relationship with Pete. Anyone hoping to identify themselves while in a committed relationship, especially later in life, is going to be tested. Asking your husband, a man you love and cherish, to let you find yourself is difficult. So, she doesn’t ask. Helen confronts her sexual identity and queerness on her own.
A particularly illuminating sequence of passages in Helen’s journals from age 43 to 47 chronicle what must have been the most tumultuous time in her life. Even after sharing her personal feelings and desires with Pete, she’s still shackled by him, which impacts her life outside of him. As Blair hones in on Helen’s journey, it’s no surprise to hear her aunt say, “I could just walk away and start a new life.” There’s an unabashed demeanor to everything Helen says throughout the film. Whether she’s talking about her infidelity, her love for Pete, or his inevitable death, most of her emotions are kept inside, rarely shown on the surface. Her passion for everything is evident, but it’s almost as if letting her emotions be more than words would undermine herself–like visibly caring too much about herself and her relationship with Pete undercuts her desire to explore the rest of the world.
All these years later, Helen and Pete seem to have found an understanding in their relationship. Allowing your partner’s independence to blossom is a challenging concept, but these two show how rewarding it can be. The mission statement of the film, if there is one, is summed up by Helen when she says, “Marriage is filled with contradiction.” Their marriage’s contradictions are put on display as she reckons with the “parallel lives” she and Pete lead alongside each other. Any public figure and their family live differently in the public eye than they do in private, something Helen and Pete have dealt with for the vast majority of their lives.
Alix Blair does a fine job presenting her aunt and uncle’s relationship. The text from Helen’s journals provide apt context and depth to the events of the present. Helen and Pete’s independence provides challenges, but couldn’t defeat the passion they had for each other in their relationship. They learned to coexist as individuals and as a couple.
On some level, the ending lacks resolution. But the story doesn’t need one. The story Blair latches onto isn’t one searching for a conclusion; it’s one hoping to lead into a new story. That story is Helen’s. Who is Helen when she isn’t beholden to anyone else? Is her life as filled with possibilities at the age of 70 as she’s wanted it to be for decades? The documentary isn’t seeking to answer these questions–it’s hoping that Helen will be able to discover the answers on her own.
Thank you to Silk Strategy for the screener.
